JET and ME

Well it has been a LONG time since I have posted. One of the things that i want to try to be more faithful at is blogging again. I don't care how many people read what I write but I write because it helps me. Well I have let that slip bad.

Anyways. JET is here. He was born on July 19th and weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 inches long. He is a healthy little boy and he thinks he is starving all the time lol. He is definately a mommas boy. He reminds me so much of his big sissy NeNe. They were close in birth stats and she is a major mommas girl. My other 2 are a daddys boy and a daddys girl. At least they were split evenly. LOL. 2 for daddy and 2 for mommy.

The surgery didnt go fantastic tho. I think I had an allergic reaction to some meds or something. I don't know exactly what happened and neither does the dr. He did say that it was very unusual to get an awful migrine in the middle of a surgery though. I was talking to my hubby and i heard the dr say "its a boy" and i got a headache and as i was asking about the headache it got way worse. my head started pounding and i was blacking out literally. all i was seeing was black and red. I couldnt see anything. not even my husband who was standing next to me. it was scary and they kicked him out and i was panicking which when they kicked him out it only made me panic all the more because i wanted him there but the dr said he had to go. they ended up putting me to sleep because i was panicking so bad and kept blacking out. I dont remember even going to the recovery room at all. When i woke up i woke up in my room and had a migraine then too. I have been battling some pretty rough headaches since the surgery 2 1/2 weeks ago. the dr is even trying me on caffeine which i havent had in over 6 years for other health issues. it doesnt seem to do much except cause the rest of my body pain. I'm not really sure if there is anything that can be done. Tylenol don't touch it and neither does a much stronger pain pill. So i suppose i will just be living with it. I can honestly say that I had a good natural birth, a bad natural birth, a good c-section, and a bad c-section. So when asked the question "which is better or easier? natural birth or c-section?" Well it really just depends. As a general rule natural is the better way to go. I just happened to be one of those weird women who gone through a good one and a bad one in both natural and surgery. But I am so thankful that God took care of me in all 4 deliveries. Before we had Jet my hubby and I talked to the dr (3 different ones actually) and we were told that it wouldnt be a good idea for me to have anymore because of health reasons. So got fixed permanently. There is a little part of me that is thankful since the last surgery was so rough but there is a huge part of me that is struggling with the permanence of it. Don't get me wrong I am very blessed and grateful for my 4 beautiful babies. I have always wanted 4 and we werent sure we would have our 4. And I am grateful that we wont have to suffer through another miscarraige. 2 was more than enough. But there is something about it being permament that breaks my heart. We can no longer decide to have another one down the road. I don't really know how to explain what I am feeling. But What's done is done. I am very blessed. I have been struggling with some things here lately and it has me really down so i would appreciate the prayers. I keep everything to myself and I am just really struggling. Weight Loss Journey. Yes it is back on. I am going back on my eating healthy again. And then in October I will be adding my wii fit back in. I have enough time to lose the 60 pounds that I want to lose between October and the end of April. I want to be able to wear whatever wedding dress i choose and look nice in it and feel like i look nice in it. I am my biggest critic. Sometimes I think this is so stupid I am already married...have been for 6 years going on 7 and I want to be able to look nice in a wedding dress???? seriously that is such a waste of money and the people (if anyone shows up) are gonna think it is so stupid. I didn't get to have the wedding of my dreams nor wear a wedding dress and have that fairytale wedding i dreamed of because of my decisions that i made and it cost me in this area. but ive already been married for 6 years and i want to have a big splashy wedding? for what? i have a house that needs majorly repaired and my kids school, and we could use that money where it is needed in other places and here i am wanting to waste money on a stupid dream wedding. I feel like this is only taking away from my kids and I feel horrible about it and I feel like others will only think its just a waste of time and money and i dont know. one of the things i am struggling with. Back to positivity again...I cant believe that my oldest baby is starting school in just a week!! its crazy. I am probably gonnaa be one of those crazy mommas that cries after I leave him lol. My babies are growing up sooo fast and i dont like it LOL. But I trust his teachers and I know that they will do their best in teaching him from an edcuational standpoint and a spritual standpoint. Well I am off to go watch the Biggest Loser on netflix lol. Motivation for when I can add exercise to my losing weight. In all seriousness Please pray for me that i can lose this weight and be happy with my size. God bless, Jenny Love