Decisions...Decisions...And so much more...

Here lately i have been really stressed. But what good has it really done me? it hasn't so why not change that? I have always loved the phrase since i first heard it "Attitudes are Contagious...Is yours worth catching?" Well i am sad to say that mine hasn't been. I might not can change the circumstance or the situation but i can change how i deal with it. I heard a message recently by my preacher about prayerlessness. I havent been praying as much as i should be...no were near it in fact. that hasnt helped my attitude or my stress level either. Why? because I was trying to deal with the stress and the situation on my own and all that was happening was making my stress level higher and my attitude worse. Now am i ever not gonna have a stinkin' attitude again? i doubt it but i can work on my attitude which is what I plan on doing. Being more positive once again.

This week is Missions Conference. A crazy hectic week. But I LOVE IT!!! Last night i was able to sit and enjoy the preaching. And he talked about how we only do as much as we WANT to. We pray as much as we want to, read our Bibles as much as we want to. That struck a cord in me. Wow...I have heard that if I want it i most always get it...why is it that i haven't really wanted to be a stronger christian? wanted to read my Bible and pray more? It is a want thing. If I want to do it then it gets done and if i don't then it dont in everything that i do. Definately hit me where it hurt but something i really needed to hear. Thanks Bro. Hendricks for saying what God wanted you to say! Now it's been given to me now i need to apply it to me.

Tonight I have nursery and Squish (my mother in law) has class. This has been a long week this week especially for the little babies and little kids so we put our noggins and our money together and we are gonna do something "special" with the kiddos. The theme of the week for the kids have been "fishing for men" and the VeggieTales movie "jonah and the whale" was on sale and we decided that the lesson we would have movie night. It will be fun and something special for the kiddos. I am pretty excited.

My Zebra print skirt that my hubby bought me for Easter and to take our family pictures in came in! and I love it!. Now i just need to find a shirt that i like to go with it! :) I am very excited.

There is so much going on from now til August 6th. A super busy but memorable summer. I need to sit down and put the events in order in a list and plan and budget.

My favorite brother in law turned 16 yesterday! wow. I remember when we first. He has grown up so much since then. I am proud to call him my brother in law and i do love him very much! And he such a blessing to me and my family!

Well laundry is definately calling my name. My hubby was super sweet and he cleaned the house for me! God sure did give a wonderful hubby!

Jenny

Stressed to the max...

Im sure many of you have heard the expression "stressed to the max" well i think i have finally hit that point tonight. For the last few my kids have had some major listening problems. I have yelled...cried...spanked...pleaded...spoke softly...nothing is working. I clean but for what? it gets destroyed faster than it takes me to clean. Jr has decided to just be lazy again and go potty in his underwear when he is watching a show. i take it away. if its not one thing its another. its so frustrating. And you would think certain people who step in and help or give me a break but nope nothing...they are too worried about their ownselves. it kills me how i dont get the same respect and im not sure what you call it in return. The same ones who i pretty much go to their every beck and call are too self absorbed. They do things on their terms. Yes I am fully aware of this being a vent but i do not care. at least not today. I need a vacation. A real one. But there is never enough money HA! I am always tired. I know that my body is under too much stress at least thats what my dr said when i was pregnant with zz which caused her to be under too much stress. Dont get me wrong i love my family and everyone in it. i love my kids very very very much. But sometimes i just need a break. AH!

Anyways...now that that is out of the way...I have lost a total of 5.4 pounds in 3 weeks. It may not seem like a lot but it is to me. It is a little over a 1/4 way to meet my first goal. I am really excited. Pray the inches will come off too...i am doing it the hard and old fashioned way...eating better...more eating what i want but being reasonable with it and walking every day. It is a long slow process but i guess it will be worth it in the end.

Anyways PLEASE pray for me because i need to get more organized...get 100% caught up on housework...and start going with a flexible schedule. I want to feel better and im tired of hurting and being exhausted all the time. I have been negative and stressed for a few weeks now and it is time to change. I just need prayer...thanks!

A Little Bit Of This...A Little Bit Of That...

Well it has been a crazy few weeks. lol. But hey that's life right?

Hubby finally got a report back from his tests...he does not have colon cancer...he does not have diverticulitus...he does not have a bacterial infection...all of his tests came back negative...we still dont know what was wrong with him but i do know this whatever was causing him to bleed is either hiding really well or could possibly have been a bleeding ulcer but whatever it we appreciate all of the prayers! Whatever the problem it went away which is always a good thing!

ZZ is about to turn 1 :0 WOW time sure does fly by so fast! She will be turning 1 on the 2nd of April and we are going to be celebrating her 1st birthday on the 1st of April. Speaking of ZZ she is doing so well from her burn. We go back on august 18th for a checkup and see how her skin nand the discoloration is doing. thank you for your continues prayers!

And the planning of a wedding renewal for Squish and Poppa Smurf continues. Of course with all weddings there are bumps in the road along the way to that very special day. I get frustrated with it and sometimes i feel like whats the point...i wish it would go a little smoother but o well...It it would help if it didnt get pushed to the side and actually REALLY got talked about and I had just a teensy bit of help...but like i said its part of the bumps in the road...but im trying to the best that i can. Thankfuul for my hubby who is working to pay for it and for all of our needs and most of our wants. I love him so much! Can't wait til we get to start planning our renewal in August! We will be renewing our vows June 9, 2012 which we planned before we even said I do and we could have more time to save money and plan :)

Well I have lost 3.6 pounds already! I know I know it doesn't seem like much but hey its a start. The only thing is this is I have don really bad on my walking. Yeah i need to get better at that...but with 3 babies under 4 it is a little on the difficult side. Sure people say they will "help" but when it comes down it they dont. Hubby works or he would. Finding time is hard when you already have a super busy life. But i am really proud of my 3.6 pounds already. It is a start. 3.6 out of 20 bu July 1st...now if i could lose the inches too.........

Laundry seems like its never ending LOL. Especially with little ones who are potty training and wet when they sleep. But refusing to put diapers on them even at bedtime because i dont want them to get the idea in their pretty little noggins that its ok to pee in their panties/underwear at all. so blankets add up LOL but I am actually nearly caught up again...at least for today LOL. And trying to keep a clean house with 3 little tornados is next to impossible LOL or like Mrs. Debbie said like shoveling snow in a blizzard. Very well put LOL. But you know what? wouldnt trade my life with anyone. I love it. I love my family and I love my life. I wish that the Unspoken Situation/Prayer request would get better which it still hasn't but i know it is all in God's timing. But i just absolutely love what God has given me. I may not have very much money but God has blessed me richly with love and family. What is better than that?

Well i am off to go clean and do my motherly and wifely duties...

Jenny

Torturing Myself But For The Good...lol

Starting Monday (February 28th) i have been 30 minutes a day minimum and watching what I eat and i dont mean as I'm eating it LOL. I have been going to livingstrong.com and it is a free site. There i typed in how many pounds i wanted to lose a week and it gave me how many calories i should eat in order to do that. And all i have to do is log in what i ate and how much and it tells me my calories and it keeps the total count and everything. It tells me how many calories i have left to stay under my maximum limit. Its a lot less stress for me. So far so good...this is day 3...

Every tuesday, thursday, and saturday my hubby is taking me to the Old City Park to walk (it has uphills and downhills...which is supposed to help in toning my fat thighs LOL) and MOnday, Wednesday, and Friday I walk around the trampoline or up and down our street (Monday and Tuesday was the trampoline while the kids played and today was up and down our street because Stephen came and watched the kids while I walked).

It has been really hard on me...My legs are super sore so if anyone seems me limping around a little bit...yeah its because my legs are screaming "but why" to me. I went from doing nothing to pushing myself for 30 min a day minimum...yesterday it was a whole hour...but overall i am proud of myself so far...i just decided that i was tired of my excuses and waiting for the perfect time or for whenever i was ready...i am never ready to torture myself. So i decided to quit making excuses and decided to use my stress and emotional problems for my adrenaline in my walking...and it has been helping so far. Eventually I will be able to do this with no problem and be able to up the minutes...but for now definately sticking with the 30 minutes.

Please pray that i stick with this...and PS my goal is to lose 20 pounds by July 1st :) thats my first goal and deadline so to speak! :)

Jenny

Valentine's Days with my Valentine...

Well Valentine's was super sweet and special :)

My hubby and i always celebrate Valentine's Day on the day before. He asked me to cook him some lasagna so i did and we had a little date at home. We watched a movie and just spent good quality time together. Then on Valentine's Day i suprised my hubby by having Squish and NeNe deliver a gift to Jonathan at work. I sent him a king size candy bar and 2 matinee tickets to Gnomeo and Juliet (hilarious movie) for the 15th. He bought me a single red roses :) and a teddy bear and a giant candy bar yum! I absolutely love it! Well in our household i buy the boys valentines and Jonathan buys the girls Valentine. Im lucky i only have to buy one ;) lol Well i bought my nearly 4 year old son a spiderman balloon, stuffed dinosaur and some gummys. His favorite thing is the balloon lol but im so glad he loved it. JOnathan bought his 2 beautiful girls (one is 2 1/2 and one is 10 1/2 months a jewelry set of earrings and a necklace with a flower on it. Nene got a monkey balloon and zz got an elmo one. They all love their stuff. And i love mine as wel. Thank you jonathan i love you so very much!

Well my girls weren't the only ones who got jewelry for Valentine's Day. So did Squish. It was so sweet and romantic. After 25 years those 2 (my mother in law and father in law) still got it. My father in law made a super sweet card and had an engagement ring taped inside and asked her to marry him again and renew their vows. She has never had her own engagement ring before and it is gorgeous and looks wonderful on her finger ;). Well unknown to him she had made him a card and got him some chocolate lips to symbolize their first kiss. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW is all i have to say. They totally didnt know about each others gifts until they opened them that night. And yes they got together around valentines day. Yes i have to say...they still got it.

Well i hope thats yalls valentines day was a great success like mine was! now im off to go clean and do some 25th anniversary wedding planning! :)

Jenny

Love is in the Air!

The status with my last post with my special prayer request that i cant say for fear of making things worse hasn't changed any sadly. It still breaks my heart but rather than dwelling on that I am choosing to focus on other things instead. Please continue to pray for this relationship between me and this other person thank you.

All of ZZ's sores have been healed and she has been to church a couple of times. She still has her red marks but she is doing and looking so good. We go back to Little Rock on the 24th of this month hopefully we will get to be released! Wouldn't that be great?



My sister in law, Amanda, got engaged to Anthony Master the 2nd of this month. He suprised her by showing up before church with the ring. She was bringing my son to her daddy and seen him and nearly threw my son in the floor because she was so excited. LOL They are planned to be married August 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm. I am excited for them. Now to get them to stay close by til after June 2012...LOL ;) So wedding plans have been in the mix of our crazy life LOL. Congratulations Amanda and Anthony!

This year is the year for milestones! In April ZZ turns 1...Stephen turns 16...In June my hubby and I celebrate our 5th anniversary...In August my in-laws celebrate their Silver anniversary...25 years together wow...In September my father in law turns the big 5-0...and then in december my hubby turns 25! Wow...

Silver anniversary. My In-Laws will be married 25 years August 16th of this year. They will be renewing their vows in July just 3 weeks before their daughter's wedding. Crazy. LOL But I am excited for all of them. They asked for small and simple...but yet nice at the same time. So plans for their wedding has been added in the mix as well. Wedding shopping online and in stores. Then when theses 2 weddings are all said and done then me and my hubby can start planning our wedding renewal for June 9th, 2012. We had a simple and nice wedding but at the time we didnt have the funds to have the dream wedding so my hubby is letting me have it on our 6th anniversary. We planned that before we even said our i do's nearly 5 years ago. So I am excited about that.


This summer is definately gonna be a stressful, wonderful, crazy and super busy summer...And i prolly wouldn't change it for the world...just maybe started planning sooner LOL just kidding...well kinda...Memories are in the making and who would want to change that?

Well off to go do some more planning...

Jenny love

Heartaches And Blessings...

It seems like when i am the most stressed thats when i get "hurt" the most. Not physically but emotionally. It's a good thing that i am reading in James one about temptations and trials. Well i am still working on that. I want so badly for my unspoken to be fixed. I can't say what it is for fear it might make things worse. It breaks my heart though. And i just wanna be given a chance and be a part of lives. but moving on... On top of that my 9 month old daughter got burned as most know from scalding water that i set down not knowing it was in her reach. Oh i have tried and some days or moments rather to not let it get to me or blame myself but there are moments when i really stressed that i kick myself and beat myself up pretty bad. Then my hubbalicious had a colonoscopy done yesterday morning and when i was confident that it was figured out what was wrong with him we were told that he was misdiagnosed...add that with a sick baby girl running 101-104 fever for 2 nights and no sleep yeah stress was so happening. Sometimes it feels like my heart is about to explode and when i think i have no more tears more seem to flow. Please dont mistake me i dont want sympathy or a pity party i just want prayers and i need them desperately.

But having said the heartache i have to say the blessings as well. Even through being blessed God is giving me more trials. As a friend said "God never gives us more than we can handle but he sure stack the plate pretty full sometimes." But through it all God's been good. I am trusting God to work the situation out even as much as i am hurting He is the one who can change and fix it. My daughter is healing so much faster than the dr's ever expected and thought possible. And i can even buy my hubby some snickers for valentine's day! He doesn't have diverticulitis. They found 2 polyps in his intestines and they removed those and sent them off for a biopsy. I am praying they come back good. They want to do an upper GI. I asked the dr if this was good or bad and he said in between as in we still dont know anything and hopefully we can find out soon.

Update on birdie...



She still has 3 spots that are open sores but are healing pretty fast as well. She is allowed to go outside now giving that she wears sunscreen under her clothes and has to have all her burned areas covered. we go back february 24th. She is doing so good!

My Little Z-Bird...Update

Today my father in law and my mother in law took me and zz to children's to get her bandages changed and her wounds cleaned up. She has more 3rd degree burns then they thought. But she looks so good and is doing so good that they didnt have to bandages back on. I almost wish they had though because now she is at more of a risk of infection but they know what they are doing and they said it is best for her to not having bandages on at all but we have to treat and clean her wounds and little body everyday at least 3 times a day and treat them. She cannot leave the house or my in-laws house (and if she even goes across the street to my in-laws house she has to be completely dressed in her loose clothing in all the places she has burned.) We also have to work with her neck because she has about an inch and half to 2 inches of a 3rd degree burn on her neck and it is in a place where if it gets stiff it could be bad so we have to work with it and make her stretch her neck and it only has be looking at us and things like that so nothing too difficult. It still looks nasty but it will for awhile and the redness will go away in about a year to a year and a half. We have to give her at least 4 ounces of pedialyte a day and as much formula as she will drink and try to get her to eat things with protein. And we do that until we go back next monday. We will go from there. But thank you so much for all of your prayers!

Now today i found out exactly how much that El Dorado saved my little girl's life. I knew that she was this sick gray color like death gray. And i knew that her body temp was really low and i knew that she was dehydrated. And i dont know if i didnt put it together or what but today as the burn drs were doing her discharge and giving me the info they told me that when she was in El Dorado when she was brought in that she wasnt breathing because the burns had caused her lungs to swell and it blocked her airway. I told this to my hubby and he said that he knew but he didnt say anyting because i was upset as it was and so he just kept it to his self. It was probably a good thing because i dont know how well i wouldve been able to handle it a week ago. But as it was i balled like a baby. If it wasn't for the dr's at El Dorado and for all of the prayers that my little birdie got she wouldnt be here. God really is good. I do so much appreciate all of the prayers. please keep them coming.

tonight I had to clean her burns and treat them myself and have to do it 3x a day. well tonight was the first time. it broke m heart. I think that I cried about as much as she did. It was so hard. I hated seeing her in so much pain but it had to be done. It was so hard. But it is what the dr told me i had to do for her health and so i continued. After i got her cleaned up I had to calm her down and io finally got her to sleep. Then i just balled.

Please continue to pray because I know that there is a long road ahead of her. The burn dr's said that it will feel like she has a sunburn for a awhile and she will be really tender. Thank you again!

Love,
Jenny

Generosity and Gratitude

I just want to thank everybody for their generosity. For the money, the gas for the vehicles, and for the prayers. Also I want to thank my hubbys boss, Jeff, I found out today that he offered to take my hubby;s work schedule so that he could be with his baby but of course my pigheaded hubby (whom i love very much) turned it down because he said we just couldn't afford it. Which is true. He was torn. But just the thought was SUPER SWEET. So Jeff opened for him so that he could get an extra hour or so of sleep. Couldn't have asked for a sweeter boss. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

When we came up here our biggest worries were how can we afford this? we are already broke. and things. but here we are...not having to worry about is hubby gonna be off for the dr appointments? answer: no, because he has a good boss who works with and around him. Are we gonna have food to eat? Yes, because people brought that to me. Can we afford the meds and other needs? yes, because so many gave us love offerings and donations. God has been so so so so good to us. And i am so very thankful for everyone. I couldnt have been blessed with better people in my life!

ZZ has been doing so good. thank you for the prayers, time, and many many blessings and thoughts! i will update some more later :)

My Little Birdie

So I am sure that everyone is wondering...what the devil happened and what are they gonna do and how is she doing? Well I will tell ya...

As most know my oldest 2 are potty training. I went and took jr and nene to potty and discovered that nene (who rarely has accidents) had an accident. I stripped her down (all the while my water was on to boil) got her some new jammies. then i sent nene to the livingroom and went to the kitchen and poured a mason jar of boiling water and threw a teabag in it and headed to the livingroom. well i set the glass down on the table between the chairs and starting getting nene dressed. as i was pulling her panties up zz came around me...stood up and tipped the glass all over her. I scrame as loud as i could for jonathan to come help me and we stripped her down as fast as we could and we seen her skin was falling over...hubby wrapped her in the snuggie and ran as quickly as he could (being on ice) and asked his momma what we are supposed to do. her papaw wrapped a cold towel around her and we rushed her to the hospital. Stephen and papaw watched the oldest 2 and off we went. She is burnt from her neck to the top of her hootie. the whole front. And on half of her right arm.

Once at the hospital in a matter of 5 minutes (she dumped it on her around 10:55 pm and we were at the hospital at 11 pm) they rushed her to the ER and discovered that she was dehydrated and body temp was low...yes it happened that fast...she was like a nasty gray color. well by the time they got her to CVICU where she received 24 hour care from midnight sunday night til 11 am tuesday morning. Angel One came and airlifted her to Children's Hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas. They tried to get her right away but with the bad weather they couldn't drive by ambulance or airlift her. But the El Dorado doctors and nurses stayed on the phone and found out what the best thing to do for her. They ordered some special gauze from the pharmacy and bandaged and wraped her up. then bundled her up. They forced a cathedar in so that they could monitor her fluid and after MANY MANY MANY iv's they finally called an anastheisiolgist (or however you spell that) in and put a central line in in her juggler artery. All of her veins kept blowing. They tried all of these areas: both hands...both arms, both wrists, both feet on the top, both feet in the heel, in her groin, and even in the top of her hootie...and they all went bad in an hour or less...and that was how they were trying to give her fluids but they couldnt draw her blood. So the man came in and put it in her neck.

She was set to go. Hubby had to go to work (yes even after being up all night and the day before too) at 4:30 in the morning because they couldnt get a replacement in the bad weather. So me and Squish (my mother in law) stayed up all night in the CVICU and waiting room. After they got her out of critical condition (but critical enough to need 24 hour care) they allowed squish to come in the CVICU room with me and we both got to stay in there and when hubby got off he came in there for a few minutes then went home to nap in case we were able to go to to childrens and he had to drive. well it ended up that the weather was just too bad and they put it off till tuesday.

Well we home and got some sleep after they set her up in the NICU with her private nurse. ( i was up for over 40 hours straight and squish and hubby didnt get much sleep either if any).

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Tuesday morning the nurse called and said that angel flight was on their way to come get my daughter (which by the way her real name is Faithe-Makenzie Jazzlyn Love or ZZ or birdie as her nicknames...) So off we go...we kissed the oldest 2 bye and we went to the hospital (they are doing good they are with the in-laws). We signed the papersm they doped her up on morphine and off they went. We follwed behind them in the van. They called us as we were still driving to tell us that she made it safely and was playing with a toy helicopter. We were like YES!



We get to the hospital and find out that this toy helicopter is a stuffed helicopter that mimicks angel one and is half the size of her. LOL. But she loves that toy. we were picturing a hot wheels size helicopter but nope lol.

Here after waiting a few hours we talk to the burn doctors and they tell us that she will be ok with no permanent damage or scarring. Also the burn were mostly 2nd degree but a few spots are 3rd degree. She cant have anything to eat or drink after 2 am. They are supposed to come in around 9 in the morning and sedate her then take to go scrape off the dead skin and medicate them and bandage them. From there they will take her to recovery. We will stay here til Wednesday and they will change her bandages. We will get to go home if everything goes good. Then a week later we will come back childrens and they will change her bandages. Then go home and come back in another week for checkup...do this until they clear her. They said it will take about 2 weeks to heal so we shouldnt have to take a trip more than 3 times if i understand right. And depending on how quickly she heals. She has played a little after they give her morphine so it knocks the pain out quickly. And it just breaks my heart to see her in so much pain and tears streaming down her beautiful face...





Well I am super tired and im gonna go and try to get some rest. Thank you all for your many many many prayers. Hubby has to go home around 4 wednesday afternoon because he has to work thursday thru sunday. He will come back up her monday and tuesday. so please pray for travel safety for him. and my father in law is bringing my mother in law to stay with me while They are also gonna travel with the oldest 2 and i believe my brother in law and sister in law for a visit. the babies cant see her but i will get to go see them while papaw and mamaw stay with birdie and visit. Oh how i miss my babies. Goodnight and i will update when i can.